i am well. tired and overwhelmed also. hopeful to. life has a way of pressing in and pressing me to God. next is good and challenging in the very same breath. my family is beautiful and exhausting all at once. kingston is much to big and way to small at the same time. i am a ball of contradictions at the moment. cryptic i know, but how does one type these things.
i have been face to face with anger, bitterness, and evasive behaviour. such sullen company weighs heavy on a little heart. a death grip i will soon shake. i have looked truth in the eyes and loved her. her gaze is most dangerous; she calls me to move. but i do not know what direction. i am without compass heading or map. and my hiking boots give me blisters.
i have a friend, he tells me when you are lost that you stay put until help arrives. make a smoke signal and wait for the search party. you will be found, he says. stop the talking about doing and just be. be. seriously, how does one be? can you do be? (doobie! hahaha! i think i can figure that out!)
all i can think about is praying. it is the topic of sunday morn at next. more than that, it is a recent compulsion of mine. bang on the doors of heaven. ask a favour. break the night’s stillness with your request. loud and abrasive, an ill-set alarm clock ringing in your friend’s ears. she will answer if only to quell your midnight demands. he will respond just because you’re there, in the yellow glow of his porchlight, ringing the doorbell until the deadbolt retracts.
but i approach one much more than such a friend – one to be pried from bed by the irritating spade of an incessant knock. it is Father to whom i call. Dad. Goodness, Light and Love. i plead for fish and eggs and receive Spirit.
ask, seek and knock. this is what Jesus taught. in the asking there is receiving, in the seeking there is finding, with the knocking hinges swing. it is the way with prayer.
Amen.